i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
