Yo dont text me then not text me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
