Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How naked do you want me to be?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
