Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
