I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
