omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
love makes seman taste better
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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