Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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