I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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