the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
