i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
