Plan B is the new Plan A
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
