Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
