dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
