we're chasing vodka with high fives
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
