Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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