I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
