Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
