Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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