Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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