Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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