i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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