i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
