i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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