your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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