just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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