They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
