In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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