It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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