Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
