i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
