Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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