There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
