We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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