this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
