He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
