Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
