the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
