I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
