considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
