i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
