Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
