So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
