You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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