Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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