He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
