Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
