i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
