does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
