Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
