He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
