woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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