i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
