I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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