Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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