so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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