I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
