so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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