I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
