Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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