I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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