i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
