Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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