see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love you. Go after that dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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