NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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