I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
