Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
