What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
