i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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