My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
