new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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