Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
