so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
